Last night was one of those nights. One of those nights where you are still awake at 3:00 a.m., so you decide to cut your hair then eat half a bag of doughnuts. š¶ O.k. so I’m sure there are not many people that do this, but unfortunately I am one of them.
I can never shut my brain off, I can’t even hit pause or mute. It just goes and goes. I’d say about 97% of the time it isn’t even anything important. Most of the time I’m going over my list of things that need to be done the next day, because there is always a list. Other times I am thinking about something funny that happened earlier in the day, which is almost never a good idea because I get the giggles pretty bad, and once I start I can’t stop. I’m not talking about just a little “teehee” giggle, no…I’m talking about snorting and waking the husband giggles.
Then there are the times I lie awake reminiscing. Which is not always the best idea either. I cry almost as much as I laugh, long and hard. I usually have to get up and go in the other room for that one, it can get pretty depressing. I think about my teenage son, and how amazing and perfect he is to me. I think about how quickly he is growing, and that all of his “firsts” are my “lasts”. Don’t get me wrong here, I know how blessed and fortunate I am to have him, but I wanted a whole house full of kids. It wasn’t in the cards for me. I am starting to be o.k. with this, but sometimes it’s hard.
So that you don’t think I am a crazy old lady, jumping around here and there, talking nonsense and all, I will explain. MENOPAUSE. Yes, I suffer from that lovely word and all that comes with it. I get a bit crazy at times. I cry then laugh in one breath. I get hot flashes so bad I feel like I am suffocating, burning from the inside out. I cut my hair at three in the morning…bangs or no bangs? This last one I need to work on, I always forget how bad of an idea bangs are.
I have always been the type that takes life one day at a time, but with this new change in my life, it has become more of a struggle. I am a very easy going person, so having near panic attacks at times is hard for me to cope with. But I will, and tomorrow I will cope with it again.
If you have made it this far, then I thank you for listening to a crazy lady ramble. I hope you continue to follow me on this new chapter in my life! Have a wonderful day!
Playing In The Puddles 